Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Our world as we know it is changed forever....

We are in the surgeons office for the last time. He is going to remove the stitches. I am anxious, but told Frank he didn't need to come, he is after all working very hard to help pay for all of this as we have no insurance. We were only having the stitches out! The surgeon comes to get us, not the nurse, he is all bubbly, I am already suspicious, where is the asshole that was condescending just the other week? He calls Zack buddy, and is smiling. I don't trust him. We walk into the exam room and he says, "let's take these stitches out first, then we'll talk."  SHIT!!!! What the hell is he going to say? He removes the stitches, teases about the nurse being to blame if he hurts Zack, even so the nurse is not in the room. My heart is racing, I can barely breath, "hold it together, practice your relaxation, breath, think positive thoughts, throw out the negative".

The tumor (Tumor??? he has never called it that before? I don't like that word) The tumor, was cancer. It was a type of sarcoma. I ask him to spell what exactly it is, he tells me he has spoken with the pathologist, but hasn't received the report yet. It is on its way from Cleveland.  What is next? Where do we go from here? I wanted out of his office, I wanted to be with someone that knew what the hell they were talking about, someone with feelings. He tells me he brought Zack's paperwork downstairs to the Cancer center. "They are going to lunch, but if you hurry, you can catch them and make an appointment". We leave, not saying another word, We run past his receptionist and tell her I will call later for the bill.  Zack is guiding me down the stairs like he is in charge. He was.. at the time.. he became the adult. Even for just a minute. We go downstairs, there, behind protective glass sit two women. They are calm, sweet faces and ready to handle whatever I throw at them.  I tell them who we are, they are ready for us. They make an appointment for 28th, just two days away. His name is Dr. Gregory Pollock. He is a hematologist, another word I never heard. I ask the ladies "who are you people? what do you do? Why are we here? One of the ladies explains in detail what they do, I hear, but don't hear. Zack later tells me everything that he heard. Again, he is the adult and is calm. He hugs me and tells me " calma, calma Mamma " His Spanish is finally paying off. Ha ha.

We leave, run up the mountain to Franks work site, breaking the news. All we know is we need to meet with this new doctor to find out what the next steps are. I see the fear in his eyes, The trauma that we went through with his mother years ago comes back to haunt us.

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