Rough day. I guess we were keeping so busy in the morning we didn't realize what we were trying to avoid...reality. As the day progresses, we get more and more testy. The slightest thing sets us all off. Everything is overwhelming today. Frank runs around the house looking for his book, I start to laugh and take a picture of him as it is under his arm the whole time, then I realize he looks confused, how did he not realize the book was there? Simple... we are all in a fog. I suddenly feel bad about laughing at him and make sure he is okay. He admits he is scared and worried. He hopes that because of the good news they won't do the chemotherapy, but I know they must still do that, even if it's a little bit, there could be something even if it's a tiny bit, and we need to make sure we get it all. I decide not to re -tell him, he will be reminded soon enough when we meet with the team. I was so glad he went fishing this morning, that helps him process things better, and he is sharing with his fishing buddies, which is huge, he usually keeps his feelings bottled up.
I can't concentrate on anything but simple house cleaning. Even the bookkeeping seems to take me forever, so I just stop and give up until after the trip. Zack comes home from spending the night at his friends and is in a bad mood. He starts to open up a bit, which is huge.. He tends to take after his father and keep his feelings to himself. Some of the realities of what he is in for hit him. What about a future with children? What about loosing his hair? He loves his hair. What about throwing up, he hates to throw up. I try and tell him to take it a day at time, sometimes one minute at a time. Not everyone gets so sick or looses their hair, there are so ways to have a family. I tell him how special he is to us and so many people. I remind him that we caught this early and as Nick (my nephew) advised me earlier this week, Attitude is 2/3 part of the healing and the treatment is 1/3. Stay positive! It's okay to get pissed off, that too is healthy, but don't stay in that place for very long. We had a long good discussion and I'm hoping that I was could at least offer a little comfort. I remind him of Forrest, a young man in the extended family that has been through this recently and wants to be there for Zack to help him through the treatments. He seems to feel a bit better and of course as he does, so do we.
I'm glad this day has ended. It was a shitty day for sure, but there is always tomorrow. Oh yeah, did I mention my glasses flew out the window of my car of my dash never to be seen again. Yeah, well... they're just a pair of glasses and luckily I have a backup pair. Material crap doesn't mean a thing, when your child is in pain. The lessons are already starting, and I feel blessed.
Sorry, girl, that you had a bad day. Looks like you worked it out a bit by the evening. Know that we love you , Zack and Frank and it is all understandable. On top of it there is also Frank's dad who may not make it and that is huge at a time like this. Love you guys and I am here if you need me to come and cook and watch Zack if he needs chemo.ReplyDelete