Sunday, July 22, 2012

Just a couple more days..

That's what we tell Zack. Just a couple more days and the pain will go away. Again, a rough night. Up most of the night trying to convince Zack that it's OK to take a Tylenol, or even the one with codeine that the surgeon prescribed.  But he won't have any of it. FINALLY it comes out. "I won't take anything and have the same thing that is happening all over the world." It hits me! He is worried of mixing medicine. He knows first hand about people that have passed just from taking over the counter with prescription medications and there being a reaction. It happens all the time. How many celebrities have died by doing just the same thing? The Buncome County coroner told me ( he was my Doctor when I went to the Bariatric Clinic.. I know kind of freaky) that NC has the highest mortality rate from people taking over the counter antihistamine with prescription drugs. He said because allergies are so high in NC, more people are taking the medicine. He has heard me talk about that. Knowledge is power, but to a 16 year old? Their imagination can run wild. I explain to him that We would not let him take anything if we didn't know it is safe. He is afraid and tells me to leave him alone. He is fine! I'm not going to force him to take it, so I tell him to leave his door open and I am right across the hall.

I wake up when I hear the refrigerator door open, when the bathroom door closes, then he closes his door. It is 3 am and I go to make sure he is OK. He says "as long as I don't move", so jokingly I tell him "don't move". I get a little laugh and he says MOM STOP WORRYING I'M OK!!! GO TO BED!!! I realize he is right, there is nothing I can do, I can't FIX this!!! and I HATE IT!!!!

We all wake up around 8:00. Zack is on the couch watching his favorite automotive shows. Frank is working around the house to clean things up in the yard. He tells me to go with Mom, he will be home. Zack tells me he is feeling better, We have decided that it is better for him to lay on the couch to let the one incision heal. It is in a very uncomfortable place and by sitting makes it hurt more. So.. he has set it all up, MP3 player, cell phone, remote... He has fixed his little corner of the world for the day.

I throw in a couple of loads of laundry, empty the dishwasher, re load the dishwasher and get ready to head out. I worry so about him, I worry so about Mom. She has not sounded good at all since receiving all the news. Am I telling her too much? Am I leaning on her too much? Am I yelling at her too much when she tells me her fears and I EXPECT her to be strong? I think after everything she has been through in her 80 years, she deserves to feel whatever the hell she wants to feel, she has certainly earned THAT!!! My hope for today is that I can be strong and not fall apart the minute I see "Momma", I hope that she will see that we are all really doing well, this sucks!!! but (an Bob HATES this phrase) "It is what it is" and we are all doing what needs to be done. Tuesday can't come soon enough. We will have all the answers to our questions. The results of both biopsy's, the protocol, where and when the treatments start, Tuesday, we can put our life in some form of routine, and routine is good for everyone!!!

Have an amazing Sunday, I know I said I would taker the day off, but sometimes life has other ideas for us.

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