Thursday, April 18, 2013

Good news, Bad news, Happy Face, Sad Face I'm soo confused!!!!

Rhonda and I at Neo Cantina
I seem to take a couple of days in between blogging. It's not that life is back as it was, it will never be, it is simply exhaustion setting in. One would think the closer we are to the end of treatment (not the journey, it still has a long way to go), we would have more time and less anxiety. Not true! Zack, Donald and I headed to the Cancer Center on Tuesday morning. I, for whatever reason, am very anxious and Zack can tell. This irritates him, he wants me to be calm all the time, be quiet unless a question comes up and just be there if he needs me. Well, at least that's how I felt on that particular day. We arrive at the Center early this time, I have told the boys no more being late, it is rude and simply unacceptable!! Zack's blood is checked and soon after we are told that he will need both blood (two units) and platelets (also two units). His counts are down very low and with the infection he had earlier, they need to make sure he has everything needed to get strong again. I'm not really surprised at this news, he rested most of the weekend and that is not really like him. We are told to go get lunch and be back in a little over an hour (it will take that long for the blood and platelets to arrive). The GREAT NEWS!!! NO MORE LOVENOX (blood thinner shots). Rhonda agrees to meet us at the Mexican restaurant in Biltmore Village, again, I go more for ambiance than anything else. The restaurant is relaxing, with large booths, great food and we have "our" booth at the back of the restaurant where we are away from crowds so it is safer for Zack when his counts are low. Even Rhonda can tell that I am on edge, rushing through lunch and hearing half of what is being said. I am again on overload in my mind. 

   We finish up lunch and I drop off the boys at the Center while I run to the office supply store for a few items. Let's face it, it's an excuse to do something alone, without anyone talking to me, rushing me, making comments or asking me questions. I am alone and it's quiet! I am even irritated when the sales person asks if I need help, but then decide, why not? I don't really feel like looking through a thousand items, so they direct me to what I need and I'm on my way back to the Center. The boys are settled in and Zack has already had the port accessed and the platelets transfusing.  He is in a bad mood and when I ask him if there is anything I can do, he responds with "get me the f.... out of here!!", "I DON'T want to be here!!".  I look at him and say "well, I'm just having a grand ol' time! I don't know what YOUR problem is." There are times in this journey where the punching bag, punches back! This is one of those times. I then calmly let him know that I DO understand and wish there was something, anything I could do to make it better, but I can't. The longer I stay in the room the more rambunctious the boys get, playing their ring tones louder and louder, Donald is finding the most irritating noises for his ringtones and I am ready to snap. I ask for a little more quiet and it falls on deaf ears. Angie and the other nurses, seeing that I am getting claustrophobic come and get me and place me in the room right next door, but with enough space in between the two rooms. There is a heated recliner and it is quiet! Before I know it, I'm sound asleep! At one point Zack comes in and smarts off to me, and I tell him, he may be frustrated, but STOP giving me a hard time!! ENOUGH!!!! He got the message and left me alone for most of the afternoon. He of course apologized later in the evening, but I wasn't in the mood to accept until later. We stopped for dinner on the way home, yes another $..... and that's when we all lightened up. We were done for the day and on our way home. Knowing we were going to be later than usual (we got our at 6 pm) Frank went ahead and ordered a pizza and (I'm sure) enjoyed the peace and quiet after a long days work.

Wednesday and Thursday were full days of work. Zack was going to help Frank, but still not feeling well enough to do so, simply stayed home and did some small things around the house. We are getting closer to the fundraiser on Saturday and the excitement is building up now. So many donated items for the silent auction are arriving (I'm going to share it all on another blog page), it is getting exciting!

 Nancy and I were going over all the great food that was donated by Brian Long (Sysco foods) and determined that we still needed to get a bit more. I went online to Sams Club and found hamburgers, buns, ketchup and mustard as well as beans. I called and the sweet guy on the other line said that he could not only get it all together for Zack to pick up on his way back from the Cancer Center (he had labs today), but then the manager gave us a $50.00 gift card to go towards the cost of the food . All on the fly!! Not bad at all!! Zack went by, picked everything up and we are now set to go!!! While at lunch I got the "bad" news. Zack will need another double units of blood and possibly platelets tomorrow. This last round of chemo at the hospital really knocked "it" out of him. He is angry and smarts off that HE had plans, again, I let him know that we all did, it sucks and it will all be over soon!! He changes his mood by late afternoon and is a bit more relaxed about the whole thing. He knows that this will help him feel better and he will be much safer around everyone on Saturday. Luckily most of it is out in the open.

Today was rough. I'm on overload with Zack's moods, my emotional state and well just about everything. I ended up being very stupid and jumped from our upper parking lot to the bottom one, landed on both feet at the same time and fell forward landing on my hands. Luckily Doc Steve adjusted me, but let's just say, the mind may be 16, but the body sure as hell isn't. I can barely move tonight from the tight muscles and my legs feel like I've been kicked by a donkey (not that I would know what THAT feels like).  Lesson learned?

Mom has been working very hard on her five necklaces she is donating.Each one is so beautiful! Is it "proper" for the fundraisee (I know it's not a word!) to bid??? Ha Ha !  So, I'm going to end with a beautiful display of her works that will be sold on Saturday. In the mean time I'm going to go home and chill until tomorrow, when we start this all over again

 Going once, going twice...
SOLD to the highest "silent" bidder!!!!!

 Tomorrow, will post pics of all the other awesome silent auction items and gifts!!!

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