Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The all clear!!!

It is Monday. Frank stayed at the Hospital with Zack last night, arriving around 3:30 pm. The plan was for us to hang out together, maybe even have a late lunch or early dinner. I had started to feel worse, so after catching up on current "home" events, I said my goodbye's to Zack and tearfully walked with Frank, down the long hall of pediatrics exited the Hospital. Frank walked me to my car, carrying a load of dirty laundry for me to take with me. We stood at the car for a few minutes and just hugged. We are both so tired, but relieved that the next step is just around the corner. As I pull out of the Hospital parking deck, I start to cry. I can't hold it in anymore. I am exhausted, sick and relieved all at the same time.

I call Nancy on the way out. I know she understands where I'm coming from. I can't imagine how she did this for three months. I barely made it a week! Nancy is calm, listens to me and understands all to well what I am feeling. As a mother, you feel you are the only one that can take care of your child. You know in your heart that your husband is more than capable of handling anything, but as a mother, you still want to be in charge!! Or is it just ME?? YIKES!!!! Once I am calmer, I call Mom to let her know how everything is going. She is so used to me calling all of the time about the smallest things, so when I didn't call her for a day or so, she worried even more. I simply didn't have the energy to contact anyone! Mom is relieved to hear that I'm on my way home with the promise to get straight in bed and not find dust, laundry or dishes to do.

I drive through fast food (YUCK), eat in the car and within 45 minutes am home. Sidi is so glad to see me and I can barely muster enough energy to walk him out the door for his tinkle break. I throw in a load of laundry from the Hospital. (OK Mom, so I lied!) and jump in a hot shower for about 15 minutes. It was heaven. We can take showers at the hospital, but you become self conscious because there isn't a lock on the door and we can't afford to have the nurses running out of the Hospital screaming in fright now can we? It is now time to feed Sidi and Anubus and crawl into bed. I managed to get a couple of hours sleep and woke up to two crying animals that are ready for their evening stroll. MY version tonight is to open the front door and show the dog the grass. Once he is back in we crawl back in bed, he gets up a couple of times wondering where Daddy is and giving up, stays there for the night. I call Frank, Mom and Nancy just before going to sleep and am encouraged by Nancy to stay home and rest tomorrow!! I promise to see how I feel in the morning. Frank tells me that his surprise meal (fresh shrimp from the gulf) didn't go over as planned. With all the different medications, Zack tells him it tastes like metal and can't continue. Other than that, he is in good spirits and anxious to get the next round of chemo started so he can be home by the end of the week. Around 12 am I awake to chills and a 102 fever, by 3 am it is all gone and by early morning I'm back to my normal temp. I managed to sleep in until 8:30 and decide to get up and slowly get ready for work. 

Nancy is concerned when I call to say I'm on my way. She is trying to encourage me to stay home and rest, but also knows that I am firm once I make up my mind. I worked until noon and again, with  Nancy's encouragement I go home and rest for a couple of hours, or just stay home for rest of day. She is worried and thinks I'm pushing myself, well she KNOWS I'm pushing myself, but has little luck changing my mind..  Once home, the phone rings and there are two emergencies that Frank must deal with. One is  for a client, the other he came home and discovered on his lunch break. Our water heater, which didn't cooperate for me this morning has a leak and must be replaced. So, knowing neither of these are "my department" I take an hour nap. I check in with Zack before heading back to work, who is not texting me back. That usually means he is sleeping so I decided not to call until later.

I return to work feeling a bit more refreshed, work the rest of the day. I'm glad I was able to work , several of our younger patients went to school with Zack and come in asking how he is and giving him special wishes, it always warms my heart to think that these young adults are thinking about someone they haven't seen in a while (most of them are in college now). I wrap up around 7 pm, making sure to leave everything all set for the next time we open, We never know the situation with Zack. I finally reach him, he sounds weak and tired. He says he doesn't feel that well. I ask my usual question, what can I pick up for dinner? "I don't know... I'm hungry, but... I don't know, what do you want?" I tell him I was going to pick up Sushi, but if he isn't feeling well, that might now be the right food for him. He immediately perks up and says "are you serious?, I'll have the Godzilla roll, Superman roll and spicy crap salad from Sora" Alrighty then, Thank God it's buy one get one free!! I order the food, which takes a little longer than anticipated to prepare, but it gives me a chance to talk to Steve, the owner of the restaurant who had Frank design his water feature at his Hendersonville Restaurant Umi. He had no idea what Zack was going through,

I arrive at the hospital by 8:45 pm to an excited Zack. He devours a couple of the rolls and grazes on the salad. We don't talk much, as he is still not feeling well from the days chemo. He manages to tell me that the Doctor showed his latest x-rays are clear. He says "Mom I got to see them, and what a difference from the previous ones!, there is nothing left there!" I'm so glad he continues to take the initiative with regards to his own health. It is his body and soon he will be 18 and signing his own medial release forms. This is just the beginning of our journey, which will continue for another five years, praying for negative results (meaning nothing is seen) with each series of tests.

I settle in for the evening with the hopes that we both get a good nights sleep. 

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