Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Emotional ...........

Zack and Frank headed out for today's appointment. The new combination of anti nausea medicine (Kytril)  is really helping Zack feel less ill from his treatments. Though his color is gone (his skin is very ashy) his smile is bigger than ever. He is knocking out his schoolwork while at the clinic and thinking about the next step for his car.

We receive a call from Uncle Floyd who is getting his car road worthy. We called in the heavy guns as Zack was really not up to making all the repairs himself. (too tired) and  I need to get my car back. Floyd (who is an amazing transmission specialist) adjusted the timing, set the points and ordered a tube kit. He said Zack needed to fix the tail lights and drive it over to Kenneth (local garage) to get the exhaust replaced. He didn't think the carburetor needed to be replaced, but it turns out the it does need to be rebuilt. Zack found someone that can do the job for about $25.00 so that's not too bad. He is frustrated that it needs this much work, but forgets we only paid $700.00 for it and it is from 1971. He will learn patience for sure.

Frank was able to go and see his father at the Hospital across the street. He is not doing that well, which we expected. They are trying to locate a nursing home to move him to. It is impossible at this point to bring him back home. It has been a 24 hour job for both my mother in law, Linda and her son, Billy. They (like my mother and brother had done for years with my father) take turns "watching over "him. One would stay up all night while the other slept and alternate shifts. Being a heavy smoker he only found comfort when smoking, but he would also fall asleep with the cigarette, he is also very needy and would shout in the middle of the night for someone to get him water, turn on the tv, turn off the computer, etc.... Exhausted, Linda has finally decided (and the Doctors concur) that it is time to have 24 hour care. I remember even with Mom how easy it was for people to say "take care of yourself!", Having never lived in her shoes (until recently and NEVER to that extent) I can tell you first hand.... That doesn't happen. YOU are the last one to be taken care of and it catches up with you too soon. My fear for Linda and Billy has been their own physical illness (Billy now has a hernia from lifting John up from the floor when he has fallen). Though it is never easy to "place" a parent or loved on in a nursing home, sometimes it is necessary (or the caregiver will be gone before the patient). Linda and Billy have our support 100% and we "kids" are so grateful for the Love and care they have shown Big John for so many years. (Update: we just got a call from the hospital and they don't think he is going to make it through the night. I have called the doctor on call to see if  Zack can go and see him one last time and he said Zack's counts were up high enough to do so, and offered his condolences)

Zack is on his way home from working on the car with Drake. He wants to go and see his Grandpa for the last time. We never told John about Zack's "condition", we felt he didn't need to worry and Zack too was adamant about him not finding out.

We knew this time was coming for a long time (we would tease that he has more lives than a cat). But somehow it's hard to face the fact that he may not be with us any more. I know for sure that he will be in a better place and deserves to be at peace. He has had several hard years of pain and discomfort. Signing off for today. Love and hugs to everyone in our life!!

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