Thursday, August 23, 2012

But Mom.......

Zack had decided last night to bring me into work, then go to school, meet with his teachers and see some of his friends during lunch. Last night it seemed like a good idea. His numbers are good, why shouldn't he. We can't keep him locked up tight for safety. This morning I wake up with major anxiety. I realize there is that feeling again in the pit of my stomach. (no not hunger pains), I go in to Zack's room and tell him that it is better for him not to "drop by" the school, no matter how good his numbers are we need to first check with the school nurse to make sure there is not something going around. He is not happy (to say the least), but I have to stick to my guns on this one. The minute I made my decision the "gut feeling" was gone.

At lunch I go to Department of Social Services to file for retro- active Medicaid (they "may" pay the past two out of three months of medical bills, after a 15,000 deductible) anything is worth a shot at this point. The woman there is pretty blunt and shows no compassion at all. ( I'm blunt so I can deal with that, but lack of compassion? not so much) I am sure she has been there many years and is pretty tired of all the "sob stories" she has heard.  I share "our story" and her only response was "things happen in life and you just have to deal with it". NO, REALLY???   I  understand when you work in this field you become tough and immune to others problems. Maybe she is going through her own tough time, or maybe she just doesn't care (over think much?). I sit there and am embarrassed that I am asking for help. She tells me our income is too high for a certain program, but because this was a "catastrophic event"  we can get "some" help from another program after the high deductible. I ask how this "system" works and she says "it's very simple Medicaid will pay what they want and then you work out deals with what's left". ( Ah I just love the condescending attitude?). At this point I can't wait to get out of there. She makes me sign a piece of paper stating I will not ask for more Medicaid after August 31st. I sign it and my 10 minutes (which felt like an hour) are done.(UPDATE: yesterday I asked if she needed copies of anything,  her response NO, this morning I get a call and she needs copies of the bills. OK... so your attitude causes ME more of my time? not a happy person this morning.

I go to the High School to pick up Zack's Psychology book and get things straightened out for his classes. I tell the secretary that Zack is upset because I wouldn't let him come to school, she tells me that was best as several students have been out with a stomach virus that is going around. Next week the Health Dept is going to be there to give the live flu virus to the students, so we better stay away then too. No worries!!

I have an hour left for lunch and decide to eat at a local Italian restaurant where my comfort food is Mussels and French Fries. I sit outside, talk to Nancy for awhile on the phone and then plug my headphones into my Kindle and pretend no one else is around as I continue to watch "Grey's".

When I return to work,  Zack calls asking if he can go to Art Guild. Again, I have to tell him no. He is really upset this time and cuts our conversation short by saying "OKAY MOM!!!" bye.. and hangs up. It is so hard to say no to him, but we have to do everything in our power to protect him and if it means he will be mad at us a little, it is all worth it. I ask Doc Steve if he would order Juice Plus for Zack, (which is 100% of the daily allowance of fruits and vegetables and vineyard blend which is good for the heart.) Since Zack's eating if off, I KNOW that this is the best course for him to get a lot of the nutrition he needs and since it is 100% real fruits and vegetables the benefits are wonderful. (What can I say, I used to sell the stuff, but then got too lazy to continue selling it). Anyway... Doc found out that Zack is eligible for the children's research program for four years as long as one of us is taking them as well. We were going to pay for him to be on them, now we can take them as well. Good things are coming from all around.

I heard some news about a dear friends child and call to see if there is anything I can do. The anxiety returns, as she is explaining the test, procedures and now the waiting to hear results from a biopsy. I want to take the Doctors and make them give her good news, NOW. I want to have some control so that my friend doesn't have to go through anything even remotely similar to us. She has already dealt with a lot in her life and her family is so precious, I want only good news. She admits that she spent last night reading my blog to see if there are any similarities, is there anything they missed, She wants to know how I am so strong. On the outside I am strong, on the inside I am crying. I tell her to stand at their door of the Doctors office until they give the results. Knowing her she will do just that. When you mess with us Mama Bears better watch out!

I finish out the day, pick up a pizza for the guys and head home. My intent was to crawl in bed and relax, but Frank mentioned that he had billing to go out for the company, Zack wants to show me posters he has found for his room, the dog wants to be petted, should I go on? Zack again gives himself his blood thinner shot  and we tease about following the dots from his previous shots of the week. I start to get tired and "grumpy", Zack asks what "my problem is". I tell him I just need a few minutes alone, no talking, no emails, no texts, just me sitting on my butt watching a TV show that requires no semblance of brain activity.  He responds with "alrighty then". We both laugh and he tells me he is heading to bed.  Before he goes I tell him to make sure he has his phone and MP3 player charged and that I told Mom to charge her Kindle ( she is going with us tomorrow to meet the team of nurses and doctors). He says "porque?" (why in Spanish) I tell him tomorrow we go for blood work, but the last time we had a ten minute appointment we stayed all day.. He looks at me and "says I'll pay you back for that comment". We find we have to tease and joke about this stuff or we would cry all the time.

It is late and tomorrow we hopefully will have fun day with Mom. Looking forward to our day!

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