Monday, October 1, 2012

"Eyes wide shut"

We are on such a high from yesterday's party. I didn't realize how much of a life saver it was, (literally!)  just to have everyone together, laughing, teasing, sharing. For four months now we have been on survivor mode. Starting with the surgery on June 6, 2012 to the diagnosis three weeks later to the weekly visits for treatments, shots, blood transfusions, lab work, x-rays, echo....... Every morning we wake up, where are we going today? What is Zack's treatment for today? which week is this? Is this our week "off"? We were no longer asking what are we going to do for fun? When can we get together with friends? The simple pleasures we once shared were long forgotten. It became a treat to go to bed and actually sleep through the night without waking up worrying.

Zack's Birthday was the "reason" for the celebration, but once it was all done I realized "this is what has been missing!" Frank and I always love having get togethers' with friends and family. Within the past four months, we have totally forgotten that it's okay to have some fun. One of my friends said this is a form of "grief", and I have to agree. The innocence of life is gone, the simple pleasures were gone. I feel like we have been hit by a mac truck and left on the road dead. What we are all going through keeps us serious enough, without living life in between, we have stayed in the state of grief. We have forgotten that it's okay to laugh, have fun, be silly. This party gave that back to us all.

This morning I woke up and was excited! I had a renewed energy that has been missing. The sink was full of dirty dishes we still couldn't wash because of the busted pipes and I laughed! It was full from all the people that were here having so much fun. There had been renewed life and energy in our house. There is enough water for me to run over my hair and I'm fine. For the third time in four months I take the time to put on mascara, I know I'm not going to cry today!

Zack is went with his friend to the clinic for blood work. I knew it was all going to be okay. He confirms by calling me after an hour and is already on his way home. Frank crawled under the house and fixed the busted pipes. Zack later tells me that Dad has been home all day (it rained so we was unable to work) and was actually in a really good mood, even crawling under the house in the mud.

I am in such good spirits at work that I am again joking and laughing. I even decorated the office for Halloween which is still weeks away... I want the party mood to continue and spread to everyone! Let's bring life back into everything we do!!

Zack's counts were well enough for his treatment tomorrow and a blood transfusion set for Thursday. But in between we are going to remember to laugh, have fun and make the best of everything! I see a Halloween Party in our future...

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