Friday, October 26, 2012

Senior Appreciation Week!

We have all been so busy taking care of business, the business of saving Zack's life. Life, at least the "normal" parts fall through the cracks. As I go on Facebook I can't help but feel very sad. Today was Senior Appreciation Day! My kid is a Senior and as his friends are all celebrated for their accomplishments in sports, band and academics (as well they should be!).  My son is at home, giving shots in the stomach so as not to have blood clots, having chemo cocktails, radiation, blood transfusions, platelet transfusions and not being able to celebrate being a Senior with his friends. Some may see my sadness as jealousy or bitterness. There isn't a jealous or bitter bone in our bodies! It is so exciting to see all these young men and women grow up and become the amazing people they are becoming. 

We are constantly reminded of how un-normal our lives really are. As adults we must learn to cope and deal with what life throws our way. But as children, life is supposed to be light, fairly easy, with school as their only concern. Today was especially hard for Zack. He is home focusing on his school work, he wants to go to the football game, but knows that his blood level is not good  (he is weak, pale and tired). He makes excuses for why he "doesn't want to" go, as he does so, he tears up. How can I sit there and watch him in pain? I decide to put a post on FaceBook with my own Senior Appreciation "kudos", so that Zack's friends could maybe post something to cheer him up. Let's just say, I think it backfired, feelings were hurt without intending to.I try and do something for my son and it becomes an insult to someone else. I tend to do that quite easily. Without even knowing what the hell I do, I open my mouth and stick my size 11 (42) foot in my mouth! . How can I explain how this pain  feels? I can't! 

All I can do is go to bed, try and forget the day and hope that tomorrow is  better. Hope that Zack will be in a better frame of mind, have more energy and have something to look forward to. Tomorrow is another day and if I have offended anyone today with my bragging, pride or sadness, How can I explain?, I can't! 

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