Thursday, November 29, 2012

"No trash in my truck Mom"

I took a day off (Wednesday) from blogging because, well simply put, it was as normal a day as we have had in a long time. Zack decided to drive himself for radiation. He said he hasn't been as tired lately and kind of likes driving himself. He had to take my car because his truck needed a new power steering hose. He was there and back within three hours. He had already arranged to have his friend meet him so he could drop off the truck, get me my car and pick his truck up when finished. 

He was so excited when he got his truck back, he went straight home and pulled out the shop vac to really clean out the interior. I guess some of what I do has rubbed off on him. He took one of our small organizer baskets and arranged the supplies he uses neatly in the basket. Mom was teasing that he will stop and wipe down the vehicle when he goes through a puddle. Zack just grinned and said "I have to agree."  I was never quite sure which way he was going to go, neat or sloppy. With my car he would do the best he could at keeping it clean. With his.. everything has it's place and when we were together going to Asheville, he showed me where to put the trash. "No trash in my truck Mom". Kind of fun to witness.

He has been doing his school work more steadily. I'm sure that it is finally hitting him that he only has a few weeks left in this semester. I told him failing a class was not an option, it would show up on his records for Tech school and later the Auto Diesel School in Nashville (his ultimate goal).

I came home from work and find myself feeling pretty bad. I know this feeling. I get it every year when the "leaf season" is nearly done. I know EXACTLY what I have done wrong,. I didn't wear my mask when blowing the leaves at my sister in laws house. Add to that the emotional crap of Tuesday and you have someone (oddly enough.... or not!) with her voice becoming weaker. I crawled in bed, Frank fixed an amazing dinner and as I gulped it down, I realized I was right where I wanted to be, home and in bed resting.
Zack had been spending time up at Drakes, doing his homework while Drake worked on his own truck. He came home by 9 pm and was in good spirits. Frank is slowly coming back to his old self. Work has slowed down, he missed a total of 10 days of work and that is hitting us pretty hard, but I know he and the business will bounce back. It always does.

It is now Thursday and my throat no longer hurts like last night, but my voice is pretty much going. Zack is again going to his radiation therapy on his own. This time he gets to take his truck, so he is even more excited about the drive. He must also go and have his lab work done to see if he needs a blood transfusion tomorrow. I arrive at work and of course my boss teases me about my voice (who doesn't like teasing a person when they sound like a mouse squeaking). He is concerned because I had the flu shot (something I have always been adamant about NOT having, but was told that we HAD TO for Zack's sake.) My boss is worried that I now will have the flu or something as a result of the stupid shot. I try and assure him that this is NOT anything more than what I get every year from the leaves. It actually becomes a joke, we run around and say it's the "leaves"... 

By mid afternoon my voice is so far gone that people on the phone think I'm crying. THEN I have even more fun with it and tell them (only the ones that know us well) that it's the doc being mean to me and made me cry. Of course they all get a good laugh in. It was actually pretty funny the things some of the patients came up with, from "your husband must be in heaven", "Hey Doc are you enjoying the quiet in the office?" to "I don't think I have EVER seen you not talk, that must be torture for you!!". Ah yes, I feel the love. It made the day go by and with the laughter, as they say "it's the best medicine."

Zack calls me at lunch and tells me that he does not have to go back for anything at the cancer center until next Tuesday, when we go into the hospital. He does continue with radiation tomorrow and Monday, but the other can wait. It has been two weeks since he has had chemo and I'm glad his body has had a chance to rest a little. The radiation is enough for the moment. I make arrangements via email with Mom for tomorrow. I would have LOVED to talk with her, but that would have been pretty sad. She can't hear and I can't talk. I remember when Dad , (who had Alzheimer's for 13 years) was alive, we would get such a good laugh about she and him. (Remember you must learn to laugh at bad situations). Dad would say something to her, she would lean in and say "What?, I can't hear you", Dad would then say "I can't remember". 

Mom has a CT scan to make sure her only kidney is okay. She had cancer in her other kidney over a year ago and had it removed. This is a standard followup.  I then call Floyd to arrange a time to meet him at John and Linda's house tomorrow to help unload all John's stuff from the nursing home. Linda and I also talked and tried to come up with solutions. To everything she says "he won't do it."  Linda has tried everything, but when it comes to John, he does what he feels like doing and doesn't care about anyone else.  He never really has, it seems and that's so sad.  I talked with an old neighbor of theirs today and they told me they can remember how mean he was to his kids. He would  treat them like crap and then be nice to everyone else. They had a real hard time forgetting what they witnessed and to this day, unfortunately again, they don't have anything really nice to say about him. I can remember better times of course and I'm sure like his kids, try and hang on to those memories. Getting old sucks and I try and remember that sometimes our "bad" attributes get worse when we get older. To end ones life with little or no friends, family that loves you, but really doesn't want to be around because of how you treat them. Sad indeed. 

Once I return home from work, I again decide to crawl in bed. Frank has fixed me a nice hot bowl of chicken noodle soup and I just motion instead of talk. He tries to get into two in depth discussions about what I don't even remember anymore. I look at him and in a whisper say "don't argue when I can't defend my views, why would you do this now?" All of a sudden he looks at me and smiles.... the brat!! He KNOWS I can't talk. For shame!!!! Zack is up at Drakes again, doing his school work and just hanging out with his friend. He again returns before 9 pm and is limping. His knee has been going out of the socket lately and he said it happened twice again today. I'm going to talk to the doctors to make sure it isn't related to anything he is going through. 

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully my voice is a little better. I'm going to rest it as much as possible, until I really need it. Oh, wait.... never mind!!!!

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