They had offered to have Buddy, (a minister) come in and talk with him. They said all the teenagers love to talk with him. I told them that there really wasn't a connection with Zack, when they had met previously a couple of times. He is a very nice man, but Zack never really talked with him that much. It turned out that he wasn't even working today, so they called Miriam in (one of the social workers) to talk or just listen. The staff suggested that I leave them alone in case he would open up more (they don't really know that Zack pretty much tells it like it is to us all and doesn't hold back ) but I obliged and went into the front room to give them some space. Little did I know, that was exactly what I needed. The minute I was in the room alone, I sobbed and released a whole days worth of tension. My old fears came back. What if I'm not doing enough for him. What if I am screwing up his life by making him have these treatments. I KNOW what "they" tell us, on an intellectual level.I know the facts and the odds and there is no way I could or would risk him not having the treatment, but on an emotional level, if I were Zack, I would hate me! Nancy calls me ( as if she knew), but I'm in such a state that nothing anyone says can comfort me. Bottom line... I'm okay when Zack's okay. Isn't that a normal response for any parent?
I go back into the room and Miriam told me that Zack mentioned he "might" be interested in a special counselor who works with teens in treatment. Of course, we have offered this to Zack before, but if they know someone who deals especially with this issue, we are 100% in favor. Zack is still down, but the closer we get to the time to leave, the more alert he becomes.
We finish up with the transfusion and then at 5:30 pm he is given the chemo (Vincristine, which is usually just a push into his port). We were out the door by 6:00 pm. As we get ready to head over to see our dear friend Amy, (Drake's Dad, Bill, is her sweetie) who had surgery today. We are given permission for Zack to go into the hospital as long as he wears a mask, but the Doctor also very firmly tells Zack to make sure he is taking his Lovenox, "with your numbers so low and the radiation, we don't want you to have a coronary embolism." OKAY, let's not scare the shit out of mother and son please!! We know every risk, but geez freak a woman and boy out!! Zack is still giving himself shots in the stomach twice a day to avoid blood clots. He still HATES this with great passion! He is now going on three months of the shots.
We see Amy, Bill and meet Amy's mother . We visit for a short while and for the first time today, I see Zack smile and actually laugh. Amy and Bill are his second "parents", and they can bring out the best in him as well. We excuse ourselves as we are exhausted and hungry. We decided to stop, grab dinner and eat in the car on the way, after being gone nearly 12 hours we are anxious to get home. We are greeted by Sidi, Anubus and of course Frank who had just arrived from hanging out with his fishing buddy Matt. He is the friend that will taking Zack for his radiation tomorrow. Granny Linda is going to bring Zack on Thursday, when he needs radiation and then labs. She can drop him off, go and see John (father in law) at the nursing home and when Zack is ready, come back to pick him up.
The only thing we can do as we end this day is hope tomorrow is better. Hope that Zack's day will be easier and his spirits are up.