Tuesday, February 19, 2013

" I HATE this crap Mom"

What interesting weather we are having these days. Barely winter weather with 55 and 60 degree temperatures, so when "they" call for winter storm advisory, we are never sure if something is going to happen or not. That was the case on Monday. My phone would flash the advisory for Monday night into Tuesday morning. The sun was shining, it was a cold windy day, but beautiful just the same. For a couple of days I have had a pit in my stomach and still can't shake the feeling that something is going to happen. I hate that feeling. Perhaps it is too many murder mystery shows or too much "Housewives". There is enough drama in all of these shows to create this anxiety, but I'm not secure in that evaluation. Perhaps the weather and my fear of driving in snow / ice is where it's coming from. 

Work went smoothly for both Frank and I. Less so for Zack, who, wanting to catch a couple of hours work with Frank just couldn't handle it. He was getting too hot and then was cold and ended up throwing up a couple of times at the job site. Frank immediately sent him home to rest, called me and said he was okay, it was just too much for him. In talking with the nurse today, when she asked how he has been feeling in between treatments, he simply doesn't know. She said it's common for chemo patients not to remember how "good" feels. Especially children as they adapt quickly to their new situation. Zack doesn't remember how he used to feel, he only knows that now, his energy is lower than ever, he is fed up (especially now that he must take antibiotics four times a day for his leg infection) . He simply wants to make it through even just half a day of work with Frank. Zack came by the office for an adjustment as his back has been hurting. Once he left the office, I told him to go home and get some more rest. Later in the evening, he and Donald asked to go up to Chris' house for a little while. Since he was feeling better, we didn't have a problem as long as they returned by 9 pm,. One thing is for sure, when we tell him to be back, he is back right on time. 

Tuesday morning 6:00 am Frank awakens to an inch of snow covering the ground (the rest of us were still snoozing away). He gently wakes me to tell me that we are not going to Zack's 9:30 appointment at the Cancer Center. Personally, I wish he had waited until 8 am to wake and tell me, but I'm sure he was anxious about our trip. Luckily, he continued to let Zack and Donald sleep. As I sit up in bed and watch the snow fall, it feels good that we don't have to rush out the door. Lately the center appointments have been scheduled early in the mornings and with an hour drive, we are usually up at 6:30 am. I wait until 8:30 and call Carol who tells me it is just raining in Asheville (same in Hendersonville). We know it's supposed to be gone by noon as it's warming up quickly. Carol schedules us for 2 pm and we are to continue with his Vincristine (chemo). They advise us that should he need blood or platelets he will have to return Wednesday. 

Taking our time getting ready, we leave with a couple of hours to spare. Donald stayed with us again last night. He has been unusually quiet the past couple of days, but he spent some time with his mother and I'm sure seeing her sick has a strong effect on him. How could it not. We try and cheer him up, but it isn't until much later in the evening that we see the cheerful Donald. We grab some lunch on the way and arrive in time for his port to be accessed and a "push" of Vincristine inserted into the port. The Nurse and later Doctor come in to check him out. He is all of a sudden in a bad mood. He doesn't want to be checked over again and just wants to get out. Even though this is a short day, he still resents having to go at all. Totally understandable! While saying good by to the nurses, Angie shares her concern with regards to Donald being around all the time. She tells me that I must take care of myself and not accept another child to care for. I hear her words, but also feel we need to be there for him as well. He is a very good friend to Zack and doesn't really have anyone he can rely on. When Zack tells us he needs rest or we can see that, then we simply tell Donald we need a couple of days. We schedule for Friday at 8:30 am (another early morning) for blood and possible platelets. His counts were "okay" today, but having had the chemo, we are sure by Friday, he will need a re fueling, (as we like to call it).

On the way home we stopped at Target and a couple of other stores, just for fun. I managed to find a cool T-shirt for Zack and he bought a couple of CD's with his earnings from the other day. I can remember getting my paycheck and running out to buy music. At least some of his teenage life is "normal". Once home, he asks to go up to his friends for a couple of hours. Since there is a threat of black ice in areas where the roads didn't dry, Frank and I tell him he must be back no later than 9 pm and to be extra careful. Having had the anxious feelings, a part of me really wants to keep him home and protect him forever, but I know I can't do that. I simply tell him how I'm feeling and he must take his time and be extra careful. I even call him to ensure he is there safely. Luckily he understands when I have these feelings. By 9 pm they return and are back watching their favorite shows. He isn't feeling that great, but with rest he will build back up. He made it through another treatment and his leg is clearing up. All said and done, it's been a pretty good couple of days!

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