Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldnt laugh we would all go insane" Jimmy Buffett
With three days down and two more to go, Zack's course of treatment is going well. He doesn't get much sleep, but who does when in the hospital? With nurses coming and going, taking pressure, changing IV bags, typing their notes into the computer, open door, close door. Two hours later, it starts all over again. The good news is his new medication is helping to keep his nauseousness away. I had failed to mention in my earlier blog about the nodule under Zack's arm. by Tuesday morning it was half the size, (Doc said the size of a pea now ) so they decided that a CT was not needed. It turns out this is not uncommon, it can happen from antiperspirant, so we have changed him to all natural deodorant. At least something we can "control".
Tuesday was my day and night to stay with Zack. Wednesday morning 7 am, the door opens and a young student nurse walks in. She is shy and quiet. She introduces herself and says she is there to do labs. I am lying on the "makeshift" double mattress bed situated on the floor in a corner of the room. She looks down at her chart, looks around the room, looks down at me and says "so where is the baby, I'm supposed to see a 5 month old" . I look at her, point to the bed where Zack is laying head nearly touching the headboard and feet touching the extender they had to add. Zack is still half asleep, but manages a wave. She looks at Zack and says "oh".. walks over to the computer, starts to type, looks at her chart again and embarrassed exits the room. A few minutes later she pops her head in the door and says "I had the wrong room". We burst out laughing!
I head out to work knowing that I won't see Zack again until Thursday night. As I am driving part of me is glad to be away from the hospital, the constant reminder of what he is going through, another part of me wants to start crying because I am leaving my child at a hospital, alone, with only nurses who think he is a 5 month old! I know in my heart he is fine, the daytime is such a routine now with school work and naps. It goes slow for him so by 5 pm he has an attitude about how much it sucks being in the hospital.
Work has been tough the last couple of days, my emotions are on my sleeve (duh) and all you have to do is say BOO and I loose it. Sometimes I cry, other times I get angry, either way.. not with good outcomes. The Big John drama from the previous days stays with me and is all brought to the surface again with a comment during an unexpected phone call. At a time when everyone should be pulling together, anger, fear, jealousy and frustration take over. I have been down that road before and I don't want any part of it now. I want to spend the rest of the days at the hospital focusing on Zack's care and getting much needed rest. I am finally at peace with my decision, so I call Frank and Linda and offer my prayers for Big John, but not my time or energy, they both (of course) are understanding and supportive.
|Zack, Nick, Peter and Daniel ( Forrest had not yet arrived )|