Thursday, September 13, 2012

Changes in latitudes, changes in the attitudes!

"Its these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldnt laugh we would all go insane"  Jimmy Buffett

With three days down and two more to go, Zack's course of treatment is going well. He doesn't get much sleep, but who does when in the hospital? With nurses coming and going, taking pressure, changing IV bags, typing their notes into the computer, open door, close door. Two hours later, it starts all over again. The good news is his new medication is helping to keep his nauseousness away. I had failed to mention in my earlier blog about the nodule under Zack's arm. by Tuesday morning it was half the size, (Doc said the size of a pea now ) so they decided that a CT was not needed. It turns out this is not uncommon, it can happen from antiperspirant, so we have changed him to all natural deodorant. At least something we can "control".

Tuesday was my day and night to stay with Zack. Wednesday morning 7 am, the door opens and a young student nurse walks in. She is shy and quiet. She introduces herself and says she is there to do labs. I am lying on the  "makeshift" double mattress bed situated on the floor in a corner of the room. She looks down at her chart, looks around the room, looks down at me and says "so where is the baby, I'm supposed to see a 5 month old" . I look at her, point to the bed where Zack is laying head nearly touching the headboard and feet touching the extender they had to add. Zack is still half asleep, but manages a wave. She looks at Zack and says "oh".. walks over to the computer, starts to type, looks at her chart again and embarrassed exits the room. A few minutes later she pops her head in the door and says "I had the wrong room".  We burst out laughing!

I head out to work knowing that I won't see Zack again until Thursday night. As I am driving part of me is glad to be away from the hospital, the constant reminder of what he is going through, another part of me wants to start crying because I am leaving my child at a hospital, alone, with only nurses who think he is a 5 month old! I know in my heart he is fine, the daytime is such a routine now with school work and naps. It goes slow for him so by 5 pm he has an attitude about how much it sucks being in the hospital.

Work has been tough the last couple of days, my emotions are on my sleeve (duh) and all you have to do is say BOO and I loose it. Sometimes I cry, other times I get angry, either way.. not with good outcomes. The Big John drama from the previous days stays with me and is all brought to the surface again with a comment during an unexpected phone call.  At a time when everyone should be pulling together, anger, fear, jealousy and frustration take over. I have been down that road before and I don't want any part of it now. I want to spend the rest of the days at the hospital focusing on Zack's care and getting much needed rest.  I am finally at peace with my decision, so I call Frank and Linda and offer my prayers for Big John, but not my time or energy, they both  (of course) are understanding and supportive.

Zack, Nick, Peter and Daniel ( Forrest had not yet arrived )
I arrive at the hospital around 7 pm on Thursday. Zack is surrounded by Nick, Peter (cousins), Forrest (himself a former child cancer survivor and his brother Daniel, both part of our extended family. They are playing Risk Lord of the Rings, a board game with tiny little black, yellow, red and green men. I have not a clue what it's about, but they are having a great time.  Zack tells me that he had so many visitors last night and today. Shawn and Floyd, "Granny" Linda and Billy, Amy, Bill and Drake. Frank of course spent last night with him. Amy wrote to me saying there were so many people and nurses in the room at one time, it was standing room only. My heart was full of joy! How awesome to have so many people rally around him. Not only at the Hospital, but there is not a patient that comes into the office that doesn't hug me, bring me a flower and ask how Zack is doing.  It is 11 pm and the boys are still playing their game. I hate to do it, but will need to "kick" them out soon. The energy in the room is so amazing, he can once again be a kid, having a good time with friends.

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